Alyssa Barmonde describes the Northern Beaches as “a little bubble I’ll probably never leave!”
The full-time working mum of a young son is also a successful baker and cake decorator, having MCed at the renowned dessert expo, and building a loyal following for cake aficionados.
She’s of course also renowned as a participant on ‘Married At First Sight’ 2023, and concedes that “dating has been tough, especially if the person watched MAFS, because they have this certain misconception of the person you are,” though the friendships nurtured post-show, and the “self-discovery”, have been a huge payoff from the experience.
Acknowledging that it’s a hard balance navigating parenting and dating, Alyssa is “just striving to be the best mama to Leon”, who taught her what unconditional love feels like, as well as patience and kindness.
Enjoy the interview with Alyssa, and discover the real person who, more than ever, practices the mantra of ‘always listen to your gut.’
How did you get involved with MAFS?
I was scouted by a producer! She slid into my DMs on my baking account and asked if I was single and looking for love. I turned her down first, but they are persistent! They sell you the dream of “they aren’t looking for drama anymore, and are looking to showcase real, true love stories.”
What was the most challenging aspect of being on a reality show? How did you handle it?
Looking back, I think the most challenging aspect was the manipulation and psychological tactics they used on you. They are professionally trained to become your best friend, so you trust them. Then they tactfully uncover your flaws and insecurities to use against you. Also, the lack of sleep and lack of food was horrendous. This is also purposely done so you “snap” easier.
I didn’t handle it well, at all. I was medicated for anxiety and would have panic attacks often on set. I would walk off and speak to the on-site psychologist multiple times a day. He really should have done his due diligence and told me I was not well enough to continue, but instead, he took everything I was telling him in confidence to feedback to production, so they could bring up my triggers to create a reaction they could cut and paste to suit their narrative.
Can you share some behind-the-scenes moments that viewers might not be aware of?
A lot of the storylines don’t make sense. Australia doesn’t have any laws around editing. They (sometimes very obviously) use what’s called “frankenbiting” to stitch sentences and scenes together that sometimes weren’t even said on the same day, let alone in one sentence. Everything is carefully crafted to suit a storyline that is created very early on. There is also a lot of waiting around and filming for very long hours. For example, each couple at the commitment ceremony would spend an hour on the couch with the “experts” (who, spoiler alert, are not experts. They have earpieces in and are being told every word to say by producers). You see maybe 5 to 10 minutes of our session, which is chopped and changed. A big part that was edited so wrongly, was when Duncan told the experts it wasn’t a concern that my son would be first priority when in real life he said that it was definitely a concern. We would film dinner parties and commitment ceremonies until 4am or 5am the next day. It was exhausting and gruelling! We film five days a week, so there is a lot of content. You probably see 3% of what actually happens.
How has being on a reality show impacted your personal life? Were there any unexpected consequences?
Majorly. While it was airing, I was scared to leave my house for fear someone would take a photo of me and post it on a gossip site. This happened (and still happens) a lot. There was once a woman who posted a photo of me getting a coffee without my son. And quoted “Where is her child.” I don’t show Leon on social media, but there was even a Reddit thread about me not even having a child. It’s really wild what people come up with. I was harassed and trolled online, and even through my personal phone number. The messages people send me are horrid and I still get trolls to this day. I think it’s just important to say that everyone can have an opinion on someone, but don’t search for them, type up a disgusting message, and hit send. That’s an intention to hurt. There is so much going on in the world already; online trolls and bullying need to stop. People have no idea what one message can do to someone’s mental health. It could be the one message that sends them over the edge.
I think that was the most unexpected… the trolling. I’ve never been sent such horrible messages from strangers. And they have no idea what actually happened in real life in the experiment. They are basing their opinion on something that is created for views and drama. It’s like watching WWE and thinking it’s real. Reality TV is exactly the same.
Did participating in MAFS change your perspective on fame and public attention? If so, how?
I wouldn’t say MAFS participants are famous! It really made me look at reality TB with a totally different lens. Now when I see someone upset or act out, I am curious as to what’s the story behind the outburst. Because chances are, you’re missing a lot of context.
However, I have never been trolled in real life, thank goodness. And I do love it when people come up to me and say hello – I love connecting with others!
What was the most memorable or rewarding experience you had during your time on the show?
Definitely, the friendships I made. We are all trauma-bonded! We all went through a crazy, once-in-a-lifetime experience and you really don’t get it, until you’ve lived it. I also learned a lot about myself. What my boundaries are, my expectations in a relationship, and the morals and attributes of a person I want to end up with.
How do you handle the balance between authenticity and the demands of reality TV editing?
Ooft – this is a tough one. There actually is hardly any authenticity when it comes to reality TV. Again, it’s like thinking WWE or a scripted TV series is real. There is a lot of crafting behind the scenes, and even more clever editing to make viewers feel a certain type of way about a character.
Are there any misconceptions viewers might have about MAGS? Is there anything you would like them to know?
What you see is never the full story. I think viewers watch it and think that’s exactly what happened. But again, you see maybe 3% of the footage, and most of it is edited! For me, I like to explain it like this: imagine your last relationship was filmed, but all you show of someone is your reactions in fights. None of the context as to why you were upset, and none of the good, either. There was so much of my story that was cut out.
How has your life changed since you were on MAFS? What new opportunities or challenges have arise?
Certain aspects of my life have definitely changed. Like going to events, and being recognised in public. But I think viewers think you get paid a tonne of money to go on the show, or that you become some mega influencer afterwards. Newsflash: neither of those is true! I am working full time 9-5, and just striving to be the best mama to Leon. Dating has been tough, especially if the person watched MAFAS because they have this certain misconception of the person you are. Also, your ‘window’ to go on dates on particular days/times as a single parent is always limited. It’s a hard balance navigating parenting and dating. The person you date really needs to be conscious and supportive of that.
Did being part of MAFS align with your long-term goals or career aspirations? If not, how did you navigate that?
I never in a million years thought I would be on a reality TV show. But going through the experience has definitely changed the way I do social media. I love connecting with others, whether that means in person, through messages, or through a screen.
What’s the best part of being on the show?
The friendships and the self-discovery.
Were there any moments during filming that made you question your decision to participate?
How long do I have? I tried to quit a lot, but producers are very sneaky in getting in your ear and convincing you to continue. There was one moment during a commitment ceremony in which I had a panic attack (which was later edited to look like a tantrum), and I had enough. Duncan wasn’t being honest with me, and they kept bringing things up which I knew couldn’t make it to air but would create a big reaction from me. I felt like I was bring strung along and duped. But production somehow got me back in there.
Is there anything you sich you could’ve done differently on the show?
Definitely! There are a lot of moments that I could have handled better. Ways I could have articulated myself better. There is a lot I regret. I’ve definitely reflected on those moments and will continue to better myself and grow.
How has your view on relationships changed since being on the show?
I think it is really important to always listen to my gut. If something doesn’t seem right, then it probably isn’t. I’ve definitely learned my boundaries, and what I will stand for, and what my deal breakers are. Learning to listen to myself when it’s worth fighting for, and when it’s time to walk away.
Have you kept in touch with anyone from the show?
Absolutely! I’ve made some life-long friendships with a few of the girls. The ones I speak to most often are Tahnee, Melinda, and Bronte. And I definitely still keep in contact with Lyndall, Sandy, Claire, and a few of the boys. I am lucky to have found friendships, and even more grateful that nearly all of them spoke out for me the week we got our social media back. They were the first ones to speak about my “edit” and how much context was missing. They publicly defended me and I am so thankful. I’ve also gotten the opportunity to meet past (and present) participants, with whom I’ve developed close friendships with. I love that part!
How do you handle the pressure of being in the public eye and dealing with both praise and criticism?
Ooft, this is a tough one. There actually is hardly any authenticity when it comes to reality TV. Again, it’s like thinking WWE or a scripted TV series is real. There is a lot of crafting behind the scenes, and even more clever editing to make viewers feel a certain type of way about a character.
Are there any misconceptions viewers might have about MAFS? Is there anything you would like them to know?
What you see is never the full story. I think viewers watch art and think that’s exactly what happened. But again, you see maybe 3% of the footage, and most of it is edited! for me, I like to explain it like this: imagine your last relationship was filmed, but all you show someone are your reactions in fights. None of the context as to why you were upset, and none of the good either. There was so much of my story that was cut out.
How has your life changed since you were on MAFS? What new opportunities or challenges have arisen?
Certain aspects of my life have definitely changed. Like going to events, and being recognised in public. But I think viewers think you get paid a tonne of money to go on the show, or that you become some mega influencer afterwards. Newsflash: neither of those is true! I am working full time 9-5, and just striving to be the best mama to Leon. Dating has been tough, especially if the person watched MAFS because they have this certain misconception of the person you are. Also, your ‘window’ to go on dates on particular days/times as a single parent is always limited. It’s a hard balance navigating parenting and dating. The person you date really needs to be conscious and supportive of that.
Did being part of MAFS align with your long-term goals or career aspirations? If not, how did you navigate that?
I never in a million years thought I would be on a reality TV show. But going through the experience has definitely changed the way I do social media. I love connecting with others, whether that means in person, through messages, or through a screen.
What’s the best part of being on the show?
The friendships and the self-discovery.
Were there any moments during filming that made you question your decision to participate?
How long do I have? I tried to quit a lot, but producers are very sneaky in getting in your ear and convincing you to continue. There was one moment during a commitment ceremony in which I had a panic attack (which was later edited to look like a tantrum), and I had enough. Duncan wasn’t being honest with me, and they kept bringing up things up which I knew couldn’t make it to air but would create a big reaction from me. I felt like I was being strung along and duped. But production somehow got me back in there.
Is there anything you which you could’ve done differently on the show?
Definitely! There are a lot of moments that I could have handled better. Ways I could have articulated myself better. There is a lot I regret. I’ve definitely reflected on those moments and will continue to better myself and grow.
How has your view on relationships changed since being on the show?
I think it is really important to always listen to my gut. If something doesn’t seem right, then it probably isn’t. I’ve definitely learned my boundaries, and what I will stand for, and what my deal breakers are. Learning to listen to myself when it’s worth fighting for, and when it’s time to walk away.
Have you kept in touch with anyone from the show?
Absolutely! I’ve made some life-long friendships with a few of the girls. The ones I speak to most often are Thane, Melinda and Bronte. And I definitely still keep in contact with Lyndall, Sandy, Claire and a few of the boys. I am lucky to have found friendships, and even more grateful that nearly all of them spoke out for me the week we got our social media back. They were the first ones to speak up about my “edit” and how much context was missing. They publicly defended me and I am so, so thankful. I’ve also gotten the opportunity to meet past and present participants, with whom I’ve developed close friendships with. I love that part!
How do you handle the pressure of being in the public eye and dealing with both praise and criticism?
It definitely comes in waves. It’s hard because a lot of the time I see people say “Oh god, would you get over it already!” but what they don’t understand is every couple of weeks it airs in a new country, which means another wave of hat and trolling that I will receive. I try not to read hateful comments and messages, but something I think it’s important to talk about them, to bring awareness that it’s NEVER okay to be hurtful to someone you think you know because you saw them on reality TV. The messages that truly mean the world to me are heartfelt ones asking how I’m doing, or that their opinion of me (and reality TV) had totally changed after listening to a few “tell-all” podcasts I’ve done. Tahnee’s podcast I did with her was great. And I really laid it all on the line and went into detail about things viewers didn’t see.
Can you share any personal growth or self-discovery you’ve experienced since the show ended?
I’ve touched on this a lot already I think.
How do you wish to use the platform that you gained from the show?
I really want to ensure the truth around reality TV is a lot more prominent. I was unaware of what actually happened to participants and the manipulation behind the scenes. I will always be authentic and genuine – showing my day-to-day life as a single mum living with anxiety.
What do you love about living on the Northern Beaches?
The beaches of course! It’s a little bubble I’ll probably never leave.
What do you enjoy most about being a mum?
My son is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He has taught me what unconditional love feels like, patience and kindness and he’s honestly the funniest, cheekiest boy ever! Seeing how he’s growing into his own little human, with a touch of my own attitude, is so gratifying. I am so lucky he is in my life. Plus, I get to shout “I have a child” every chance I get!
Follow Alyssa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alyssa_barmonde/