Northern Beaches Mums Group
Northern Beaches Mums Group

How Do You Know When Your Family Is Done?

?It?s a girl!? My heart froze. A girl. A second girl. Two girls. We were going to have two girls! I never pictured myself with one daughter, let alone a second one two years later ? I always thought I would be a boy mum.

But I was a girl mum through and through and loved every second of it. But that was the moment my husband and I decided we were done with kids.

I was 20 weeks? pregnant with number two. I HATED pregnancy, and was so eager for it to be over. Chris and I were sure two girls were enough. There was no way we could raise three daughters ? can you just imagine the teenage years. Plus, financially, it was enough too. We could get by comfortably; we would be happy.

Fast-forward to the moment I first held my daughter in my hands and said to myself ?I want another?. I figured it was the hormones talking, but every time I popped her in the wrap and help her close to me, I just knew I wasn?t done. I cried at the thought of this being my last baby. The last one I got to snuggle in a wrap, breastfeed late at night, meet for the very first time.

By six months, I was sure this wasn?t the hormones speaking anymore. It was me. I wasn?t done. I am not going to lie, I was a little apprehensive bringing it up with my husband, so I did so over wine on a date night, and by the end of the meal ? we were having a third baby.

Turns out, we were both scared at the prospect of having three daughters, but Vivi (our second daughter) taught us so much. She is SO different to her sister and made us realise, it wasn?t about the gender, it was about their little personalities, and we had room for another one in our home ? boy or girl.

Sure enough, two months later and number three was on the way, and low and behold, it is a boy! Elliot made his grand entrance three short months ago and I can tell you we are well and truly done! Financially and mentally.

So, are you wondering if you are done? Firstly, if you are asking yourself this question, then truth be told, you probably aren?t. I remember Googling this same question after Vivi was born, and I haven?t done it once since Elliot came along.

While I am also sad about all my lasts with Elliot?s (it?s hard watching them grow up), I don?t feel a longing to go back and do it again, instead, I am looking to the future with each milestone and all the things we will be able to do when they get older. The sadness about this being my last child isn?t there ? just happiness for my little tribe.

As corny as it sounds ? you do just get this feeling when you are done. My heart and hands are full. It?s chaotic and it?s fun and I wouldn?t have it any other way. Only you know when you are truly done with kids, and it?s something you and your partner have to agree on forever.

They often say ? you?ll never regret the kids you have. Of course, while I believe this is true, this isn?t a reason alone for having another ? I?d be up to ten by now.

You have to be able to balance your kids emotionally and financially. That?s when you truly know you are done. Financially we are stretched, emotionally we are stretched ? our family is completely and perfect. 

Ask yourself the question: if you found out you were pregnant today, how would you react?

There?s your answer.

(Excuse me while I go throw up in fear ? did I mention I was done?)

Felicity is mum to her two daughters, Cassandra (3.5) and Vivienne (23 months) and her son Elliot (3 months). Her passion is the parenting industry and creating a community where everyone feels welcome no matter how they choose to parent. It is this passion that led to the creation of The Baby Vine.