Chronic illness is something that, unfortunately, all of us are likely to come face to face with in some way or another at some point in our lives – whether we suffer ourselves, or if the person afflicted is someone we know and love. In the latter situation, when someone that you care about and are close to is afflicted by an illness (even if it isn’t necessarily life-threatening), which has a negative impact on their quality of life, it is often difficult to know how to help. What to do, how to act, and what tone to take when someone is laid low by illness is hard to know, and actually highly unintuitive.
We as humans, as social beings, are used to interacting with people (even the people most central to our lives) in a certain way, and even with the best of intentions it can feel unnatural and awkward at times to have to talk to someone more sensitively than normal, or to find yourself caring for someone who has, in the past, generally cared for you. The important thing, of course, is to persist despite this strangeness: actually, it can sometimes be helpful even to acknowledge it, thus clearing the air and creating an honest, open communicative atmosphere.
Although, of course, there is no right way to care – love comes in many forms, shapes, and sizes – this article aims to provide you with a few general pointers and basic ideas for how to effectively support someone you know who’s being affected by chronic illness.
Listening, Communication, and Companionship
One of the things most commonly cited as desirable among people suffering with chronic illness is simply company – to feel that you aren’t facing whatever it is you’re facing alone. This is a desire that I think instinctively makes sense to most of us: we are, after all, social beings, and it’s comforting to feel part of something bigger than yourself when faced with a new or difficult challenge. So; be there for people.
However, be mindful of the manner in which you conduct yourself when you’re doing so: some attitudes, words, and manners are more reassuring and helpful than others. Beware, for instance, of engaging in what is known as toxic positivity – while it may be tempting to try and frame everything optimistically (and indeed, optimism itself is no bad thing), do try not to insist on a positive spin to the extent that you suppress the afflicted person’s ability to express themselves properly. One good strategy is what is called active listening. This involves trying to engage in a deeper level of understanding than you might in ordinary conversation, and is a critical way of showing someone suffering that you truly care.
Cheer Things Up
Of course, part of the role of a companion is not just to listen, but also to brighten the day of whomever you’re sitting with, to try and cheer them up (while avoiding being toxically positive). Part of this is, of course, what you’re saying. Try to keep it light without being flippant, and remember to try and make them smile or laugh: comedy and distraction are both valuable forms of emotional support. Consider bringing in music, or photos of you both to talk about or listen to, or other times, maybe just sit and watch one of your favourite films together. Presents, too, can be a good addition (note – not substitution) for this morale-boosting work: if your brother’s fallen ill, try bringing him flowers, or favourite foods, or organising get well hampers for him to help him feel a little more cared for while he’s still resting and recuperating.
Actions Count Too: Practical Ways to Help
In addition to soft support, though, ill people often reference assistance with practical challenges as one of the most meaningful forms of support they could be offered. There are lots of ways to practically support someone in the running of their day-to-day life, whether they physically can’t do essential things or simply don’t want to focus their time and energy on the completion of menial tasks. Often, these will involve assistance with the logistics and administration tasks that are a part of life for all of us – tax, council bills, shopping, and so on. Another meaningful way to make a difference in the life of someone afflicted by chronic illness is to prepare meals for them: a task that is often heavily impeded by illness, and an opportunity to really show that you care at the same time.
That is the nub of the whole thing: the most helpful thing you can do for someone living with illness is to show you care. That could be by cooking, giving, chatting, reading, painting, filing, sorting, cleaning, whatever it is, just make sure you’re there for whoever it is.