Going through a divorce or breakup is really hard at any time. During a divorce or relationship breakup, you experience a rollercoaster of emotions and the difficult journey of restructuring your life.
Obviously Covid-19 complicates this already tough situation. You may have had to put the process of divorce on hold. You may still be living with your ex-partner. Arrangements for the care of your children may be more complicated than normal and causing emotional distress. Your financial and working circumstances may have changed which can lead you to feeling loss and grief for how things used to be.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
Whatever it is that you are experiencing, the most important thing you can do for yourself at this time is to be kind and compassionate to yourself. Allow yourself the time and space for self-nurture. Ask yourself, ?What would feed my soul right now?? Give yourself permission to do whatever you can to look after your emotional, mental and physical health.
Basic requirements to remain healthy include nutritious food, good sleep and moving your body. A walk in nature is ideal. You might feel too busy taking care of other people to think of your own well-being, but the saying, ?Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others,? is important. Taking care of your own well-being puts you in a better position to be able to care for others, especially if you have children.
If you happen to be alone right now, extra effort for self-nurture is of paramount importance. Many of the usual support systems are cut off because of physical distancing and lockdown.
Pampering yourself is a good way to relieve stress: a long bubble bath, moisturising your face and body with your favourite creams, lighting a candle, having some quiet time drinking a calming herbal tea or just curling up on the couch and enjoying a movie or reading a good book. Create a sanctuary for yourself where you can unwind and relax.
REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT
At this time it is essential that you connect with positive people whom you trust and who will have your back. Sometimes our vulnerability stops us reaching out for support. Your emotional state can cloud your thinking. Other people offer you a different perspective and provide you with the care and nurture you might need.
Make sure that you are well-informed about your legal rights and financial matters. Work out what you need for your future life. Sometimes our emotions prevent us from thinking clearly and we end up making poor decisions. In this group there are experts who can help you with those matters.
FOCUS ON WHAT IS ESSENTIAL
When we go through times of upheaval in our lives, we rely on all the familiar structures to get us through those difficult times. In this time of Covid-19 our working and social life and our connections with family and friends might have been disrupted and broken. More than ever your physical, mental and emotional health requires you to let go of all the extraneous things that don?t matter. Devote your time and energy to focusing on the things that sustain you.
Overwhelm occurs when we feel there is more to cope with than is possible for us. When we feel overwhelmed it is difficult to think clearly and to focus on the important things. Ask yourself, ?What is most important for me right now?? Take action one step at a time, starting with what is most important. Concentrate on what you can do something about.
Powerlessness occurs when we focus outwards on the things we can?t control. We tend to become fearful and catastrophize into the future. According to research 85% of the things we worry about will never happen. And if they do happen you will deal with them at the time. Ask yourself, ?What things in my life can I influence?? Concentrate on those things. Forget about the rest.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW
When we are going through difficult times we need to use our memories in empowering ways. Think of five occasions in your life when things went really well, when you expected them to turn out badly. What personal qualities helped you at that time? Did help arrive from an unexpected source? If you had those qualities to see you through then, you still have those qualities now. Unexpected blessings and opportunities can still turn up.
With all the chaos and uncertainty in the world right now, it is natural to be fearful. How do you stay focused on what is really important, so that the part of you that wants to go forward is stronger than the part of you that is afraid? Take a deep breath and ask yourself the question, ?What do I really want?? Once you discover what you really want, take a step in that direction.
Trust your intuition. If something makes you feel good and empowers you, lean into it. If it?s disempowering, creates struggle and causes internal conflict, let it go. No matter what the circumstances, you have an internal guidance system. Trust it.
Every circumstance is neutral. You are the one to give it meaning. It is neither good or bad until you call it. You can operate from a problem based mindset or a solution focused mindset. When you operate from a solution focused mindset you are more creative and are open to opportunities.
RECOGNIZE THE GIFT
There is a gift in adversity if we are open to recognizing it. This is a time to start anew. If you are experiencing uncertainty and loss and financial disruption, find a quiet space and make time to listen to the guidance and wisdom that is available to you. Hold the intention that you will receive exactly what you need. Remain positive and allow your creativity and actions to carry you forward.
This is your life, choose to make it a good one!
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Jan Holland, Divorce and Relationship Breakup Coach
www.coachjanholland.com
office@coachjanholland.com