Are you running on empty? Juggling too much? Let’s look at a different approach to managing stress.

Stress. That word that we use to describe the end point of so many things in our lives. It is somewhat inevitable when you are parenting children (of any age) to experience some level of stress in our lives – the juggle is real! We also know that some level of stress is actually just part of normal human functioning. It goes up, it goes down and on we go.

When life starts to overwhelm us though – everything seemingly landing at once, too many problems to solve for too many people – it is harder to find that balance. We have so many solutions available to us these days through the Socials, and we all know what we should be doing to manage our stress, but sometimes even thinking about managing stress feels hard, just another thing to fit into life.

Look after the basics

So first things first, if you are not getting enough sleep, not eating well, not getting some exercise…  Well, you know what to do. These things are really important to helping our bodies and our brains cope with life.  But what if you’re already doing all that and still can’t find a way through.

Check your alignment

How about looking at it a bit differently. I was introduced to the idea of ‘alignment’ some time ago and it has been a great concept to reflect on when life is feeling off, or I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed. So what does it mean?

To put it simply, when everything is in alignment we feel no emotional pain. Life might be busy, but we are largely content at the beginning and end of each day.  If we experience some difficulty we are able to move through it reasonably quickly and return to our normal state of equilibrium.

When we are not in alignment in one or more areas of our life, we tend to experience emotional pain more frequently, or it is present more of the time. When we are not aligned with a particular job, project, or social activity we have to do, we can immediately feel it in our bodies. It just doesn’t feel ‘good’ or ‘right’. It certainly adds to our experience of feeling stressed.

Life with kids can be insanely busy, a bit thankless, but something we do because we love those mess-making, food-consuming, hug-giving machines.  But what about the other things in your life?  Are there things you’re doing that make you feel ‘bad’ even just thinking about them?  This could be because they aren’t in alignment with what you believe in, how you like to operate, your stage of life, or within your sense of personal capability (when we feel like we don’t ‘have what it takes’). 

So how do I know if something is in (or more importantly, out of) alignment? 

Here’s a little exercise to help you understand what these might be:

• Starting with the things outside your immediate family, write a list of all the things that you do for other people/organisations/groups in your life.
• For each item on the list, close your eyes, take a deep breath and feel into your body while you think about what you need to do for that person/group/organisation. How does it make you feel? Can you name the emotion? Where do you feel it in your body? Write it down.
• If it is a positive emotion, and it feels good, then it is likely in alignment with where you are up to.
• If it is a negative emotion, and it feels bad in your body, then this is possibly because it is out of alignment with some part of you. Your values, capability, beliefs, stage of life etc.
• Sometimes we feel bad because we are procrastinating, or behind, or not meeting our commitment in some way. Ask yourself, why are you procrastinating or behind?
• Sometimes we just have too many things on our lists. For those of you who have a crazy long list of things you are doing for other people. Again, ask yourself why the list of things you are doing for others outside your family is so long. Even if all of it ‘feels good’ and is in alignment with you, it doesn’t mean you should do it all.

So I know the lay of the land, what do I do next?

For those things that aren’t in alignment in your life, split them into two categories: ‘easy to stop’ and (you guessed it!) ‘hard to stop’. Some of them will be easy to stop doing, but others might be a bit more of a commitment that will impact others if you stop.

So for the ‘easy’ ones, you know what to do… 

For the harder ones, ask yourself the following:

• Why did I agree to do this in the first place? (Was I ‘voluntold’? Did I do it for me? Sometimes we are getting more out of these things than we realise)
• Do I know anyone who could take over, or help?
• Can I stop for a period of time and pick it up again later when life is calmer?
• Could I talk this through with the person/people I’m helping/working for? Perhaps they already know someone who could step in.
• If it is something you really want to do, is there someone that can help you? Learn a new skill, share the load etc

Listen to your inner wisdom

Over time, you will get better at checking in with yourself and knowing whether your next undertaking is a good thing for where you are up to right now.

Like anything, learning to listen to your intuition is a skill. So before you take on your next activity, don’t agree straight away, don’t let yourself be ‘voluntold’ by a well-meaning enthusiast!  Tell them you ‘just have to check something’ and give yourself a minute. Ask yourself, is it in alignment with where I’m at right now? Sit quietly, close your eyes, think about what it would involve and feel into your body.  Listen to your inner wisdom. Your body will always tell you what you ‘really’ think! The good thing about this practice is the more you do it the better you get at it.

Remember, just because something isn’t right for ‘right now’ doesn’t mean it won’t be something good to come back to later. We are always growing and learning and our capacity for taking on new challenges is increasing all the time.

And don’t forget to take care of the basics… a nutritious meal and a good night’s sleep can make the world of difference!

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Emmalee Pepar
From Here To Next.
www.fromheretonext.com