If you dread the morning routine, you are not alone. Getting your child ready for the day can feel like an uphill battle and can quickly become an issue that affects the whole family.

While this is a relatively common experience amongst parents, it doesn’t have to be. With the right support and guidance, you can help your child start their day, and yours, on the right foot.

Identifying the problem

A common issue that stops families from getting out the door on time is kids not wanting to go to school. One reason for this might be because they’re experiencing social issues, such as bullying, feeling like they have no friends, or struggling with schoolwork. Other kids may find their schoolwork too easy, too hard, or just not interesting enough.

These experiences can make school feel unsafe or boring, so kids will do what they can to delay this uncomfortable feeling. These students usually have no trouble getting ready for activities they find exciting, enjoyable, or rewarding, showing that the problem often lies with school specifically.

Another thing that might be slowing down the morning routine is distraction. Kids may be too busy playing or may have an underlying attention issue making it difficult to focus on the task of getting ready. Once they start their morning routine, you might find that they get side tracked at each step, dragging our what would otherwise be a quick process.

The other issue occupational therapists often encounter is children who have difficulty planning, organising, and remembering the tasks ahead. Experts find that these kids want to get ready but might not know how to start or forget what they’re doing halfway. As part of this sub-group, some children are low energy and not fully awake. Their brains are not in the gear to plan, orghanise, or get ready for the day.

Identifying which particular speed bump is slowing down your child can significantly improve how a family starts their day. With small changes, you can achieve big results that help your whole family enjoy a smoother start to the school day.

Here are some helpful tips to help you master those tricky mornings.

For kids who do not want to go to school:

• Deeply listen to your kids and try to find out what the root cause of the problem is. This will help you address the problem, whether it be at home, at school, or with your child.
• Depending on the problem your child is experiencing, you may need to talk and problem-solve with teachers, principals, or learning support teachers. Collaborative problem-solving with all related parties, including your child, is very important to ensure the problem is properly resolved. For example, managing bullying at as school level or extension work for the under-stimulated student.
• Listen to your child throughout the problem-solving process and try solutions they are happy with. Making them feel seen, heard, and valued throughout this process is crucial.
• As your child grows and situations change, make sure you’re open to repeating the collaborative problem-solving process.
• Involve your child in extracurricular activities that they love. These will bring joy, satisfaction, and perspective to all areas of their lives, including school. Hobbies can also help your child learn resilience, giving them the skills they need to deal with difficult situations in and out of the schoolyard.
• Spend at least 30-60 minutes a week connecting and building your relationship with your child. Depending on your budget and boundaries, this time should be spent doing things that are fun for both of you. This will allow you to connect with each other in a way you both find valuable and enjoyable, strengthening your relationship and your connection with your child. These positive relationship experiences will then help your child to have the strength and resilience to deal with the challenging situations at school.

For kids who are distracted (but otherwise know what do to):

• Avoid letting your child access technology or TV until they are ready for the school day.
• Family the ‘getting ready’ process to build motivation. For example, if your child beats the timer, they get an extra 10 minutes of watching TV, an extra treat in their lunch box, or a token towards a larger reward.
• If possible, get yourself organised the night before so yu can focus on supporting your child in the morning.
• Use the Pomodoro Technique, which suggests you determine how long a task should take and get everything ready to do the tasks. Then you set a time and the child completes the task and then has a break. You may need to repeat this to complete the full routine.
• Consider when your child needs to eat to have the best functioning brain. For example, is it better for them to have breakfast immediately after waking or just before you leave? Work this out with your child to ensure they have the energy they need to get through the morning.
• If your child is medicated for ADHD, consider when to give them their medication. If you need to time the medication to cover school hours, accept that there will be challenges with attention at home for the morning routine. You can instead try the above strategies with close supervision to keep them on track.
• Music can help to keep your child focused throughout their morning tasks, so consider playing background music that they enjoy listening to.

For kids who are low energy or have planning and organisation issues:

• Check how awake the child is. If they are sleepy, try jumping on a trampoline, climbing, swinging, wrestling, or listening to music to get their mind active and their blood pumping.
• Try a visual routine so they can follow the steps involved. This is basically like a to-do list for kids. Make sure the routine has something fun to do at the end if they have time. This can be something as simple as listening to a favourite song, extra tech time, or doing their favourite activity.
• Try the Pomodoro technique and gamifying activities as described above.
• Talk to your child about what ‘done’ looks like. Then when they think they are finished, refer back to that conversation and have an open discussion about whether anything needs to be changed.

For all children:

• Be as organised as you can the night before – get clothes, shoes, and socks ready.
• Try to keep the household calm in the mornings.

While it’s not uncommon for children to struggle with getting ready for school in the morning, this doesn’t have to be a problem that derails your whole day. With the right approach, you can identify and address the issues your child is facing and help them develop the skills they need to have a great start to the day.

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Vivienne Williams is an Occupational Therpaist at Kids Matter, and is a member of Occupraitonal Therapy Australia. To find an OT near you visit their website.