By Vanessa Elisha
Have you ever promised yourself you were going to stop doing something, only to find yourself doing the exact same thing a few days later?
Maybe you’re the person who can’t say no, even when you’re completely exhausted. You overthink every little interaction, constantly doubt yourself, or keep finding yourself in the same situations with different people.
You know these behaviours aren’t making you happy. You’ve probably spent years telling yourself you need to change them. So why is it so bloody hard?
Well, there’s a good chance your subconscious mind has something to do with it.
Your brain has been learning your whole life
From the moment you’re born, your brain is constantly learning from your experiences. The way you were raised, how people treated you, your relationships, the things you were praised for, the things you were criticised for. All of it can influence the beliefs you develop about yourself and how you respond to the world.
You could have grown up in a household where expressing your feelings caused arguments, so you learned to keep quiet. Perhaps you were constantly praised for being the helpful one, and now you feel like you have to do everything for everyone.
Or maybe you experienced rejection in a past relationship, and now you find yourself obsessively overthinking whether someone is losing interest in you.
Over time, these responses can become so familiar that you stop questioning them.
You start believing you’re just an anxious person, a people pleaser, someone who isn’t very confident.
“This is just who I am.”
But is it?
So, what actually is subconscious reprogramming?
Subconscious reprogramming is the practice of identifying and challenging the automatic thoughts, beliefs and behaviours you’ve developed throughout your life, and consciously working towards changing them.
Think about how often your mind makes assumptions without you even realising it.
Someone doesn’t respond to your message, and you immediately think they’re upset with you. Your boss asks to speak to you, and you’re convinced you’ve done something wrong. Someone asks you for a favour, and before you’ve even considered whether you want to help, you’ve already said yes.
These reactions can happen so quickly that they feel completely natural.
But here’s something I find fascinating about the brain. It has the ability to change through experience and learning, a process called neuroplasticity.
The more we repeat certain thoughts and behaviours, the more familiar those responses can become. But we can also learn different responses through conscious attention and consistent practice.
That’s the idea behind subconscious reprogramming. You’re recognising the automatic responses that may be holding you back and practising new ways of thinking and behaving.
And before you get too excited, this doesn’t mean you can repeat a few affirmations in the mirror and wake up tomorrow with an entirely different personality.
You’ve got to actually do the work.
How do you start changing your subconscious patterns?
The first thing I encourage people to do is start paying attention to their thoughts.
Sounds simple, right? But how often do you actually stop and question what your mind is telling you?
Let’s say you’ve agreed to do something you really don’t want to do, again.
Instead of just getting frustrated with yourself, pay attention to what happened in your head before you said yes.
Were you worried they’d think you were selfish? Did you feel responsible for making them happy? Were you afraid of disappointing them?
Now challenge that thought.
Why do I believe saying no makes me selfish? Where did I learn that? Is it actually true?
This is where shadow work, a reflective practice influenced by Carl Jung’s work, can be particularly useful. By exploring your past experiences and asking yourself some uncomfortable questions, you can begin recognising beliefs and patterns you may never have consciously questioned.
But awareness is only the beginning.
The next time someone asks you for something you don’t want to do, try responding differently. Even something as simple as “Let me think about it and get back to you” gives you the opportunity to make a conscious decision instead of automatically saying yes.
It might feel uncomfortable. You might experience guilt or anxiety. That’s worth paying attention to as well.
The important thing is to keep practising.
You’re allowed to change your mind about who you are
One of the biggest things I’ve learned through developing the guided self-therapy journals at Eye Mind Spirit is how easily we accept our own internal narratives as facts.
We tell ourselves we’re insecure, bad at relationships, incapable of setting boundaries or simply not the kind of person who can do certain things.
And then we spend years making decisions based on those beliefs.
I’d encourage you to question them.
How much of what you believe about yourself comes from who you genuinely are, and how much comes from things you’ve experienced, been told or learned to expect?
You might be surprised by the answer.
Just because you’ve spent your whole life thinking or behaving a certain way doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of it doing the same.
You can change. But first, you have to stop believing everything your mind tells you.
About Author
Vanessa Elisha is an Australian bestselling author and founder of Eye Mind Spirit, a self-development brand that has sold over 100,000 guided journals worldwide. Drawing on years of independent study into psychology, neuroscience and subconscious reprogramming, Vanessa creates practical self-therapy journals designed to help people understand and change deeply ingrained patterns. Her work explores attachment styles, relationships, self-sabotage, people pleasing and personal growth, combining psychological insights with reflective exercises that encourage meaningful change.
